A couple of weeks ago i was having a horribly hard time dealing with ny eating disorder. I was honestly stuck in such a dark cold place that i thought that was the end for me. Then i started going out more and drinking more and doing stupid things and eventually most of my disordered thoughts took second place in my mind because i was too stressed with boys and stupid shit. It took away the depression but brought me a lot of anxiety, but its also easier to cope because i can talk about it and stuff i dont have to hold it in all the time like my ed. I can get advice and stuff from friends when it comes to drama and boys and bad nights and crazy nights and drunk nights… Not about my ed. Yeah so that makes it better in a way i gues… I try to remember that when i think i cant deal with stuff i remember where i was and how horrible it felt and i try to tell myself that how im feeling now is better than feeling depressed again. Idk really the anxiety and shame and worrying thoughts suck soooo much. And they involve other people so yeah it sucks. Im torn . Im scared. Theres no way back. I cant undo what idid and ifcant hide it. Yeah. Fml. I guess i just have to be strong and get through it.

So yeahZ. Knowing that he wants to hook up with me and actually hooking up with him are two very very very different things. He said he had a gf. What . Yeah that meand he doesnt care and he doesnt want anything to do with me and wants to make it clear while hooking up. Hes too hot. Ive liked him for too long. Damn. Anyhow. In a slut and yeah letsnpray nobody finds out. Or idk. Shit man. If he obly added me on fb…. Life would be so much better.

(Source: starshineee27, via happiness-in-hands)

to-love-ones-self:

REMEMBER:
It was our own thinking that got us to a place where we need healing. 
In recovery, in order to heal we must change our thinking.
 

(via it-isnt-over-yett)

freedom-is-worth-it:

she’s beautiful

(Source: pikaaaachu, via freedom-is-worth-it-deactivated)

(via life-without-ed)

searching-for-a-purpose93:

What some people think ED are;

• Hip bones
• Rib cage
• Thigh gaps
• Low weights

What they really are;

• Depression
• Suicide
• Fatigue
• Health issues
• Other disorder being discovered (OCD, BPD etc)
• Fights with family
• Loss of social life

(via freedom-is-worth-it-deactivated)

saveme-amazeme:

∞‎♥

(Source: lightbehindyoureyes, via life-without-ed)

Today im goin on my 3rd day purge free. Its the longest ive gone since January. Wow. Thats hard to say. Im trying to give myself compliments and encourage myself to keep going strong and not let anything ruin my recovery.
I want a full happy life. I want to be proud of myself and make my family proud. I want to enjoy my life. I want to get rid of the shame and guilt. I want to love myself and be normal.